Canadian Crime

And The Cow Jumped Over The... Frank. From Mr-Malark in Mr Malark (2 days old)

Europa. Io. Triton. Titan. Ariel. Charon. It's odd how we've bothered to name the moons of all the other planets in our Solar System but our one? Oh no. The Moon. That's it. Named after a bare bum… more

The Repellent Face Of Attractiveness. From Mr-Malark in Mr Malark (2 days old)

It's funny, get two conspicuously good-looking people of the same sex in the same room at the same time, and, more often than not, they won't know how to relate to each other. It's like the 'who's-the… more

Alternative Film Reviews - Vacancy (2007) From Mr-Malark in Mr Malark (3 days old)

Imagine you knew someone called Nimrod? You wouldn't expect a lot from that person, would you? I mean, it's become a synonym for goofball. I dunno, just a thought. Anyway, I wasn't expecting a l… more

A Round The Twist. From Mr-Malark in Mr Malark (5 days old)

According to a new NHS advisory poster, Alcohol Misuse now costs the country £2.7 billion a year. That doesn't make sense. Alcohol Misuse? What are people doing with it? Washing their cars? Listen,… more

Don't Believe The Hyphen. From Mr-Malark in Mr Malark (8 days old)

With the growing cult of celebrity in this country, I really think it's time we all just got past it and had a celebration. Wait a second, I'm missing a hyphen there. A celeb-ration. One a year.… more

What I Wouldn't Give My Right Arm For. From Mr-Malark in Mr Malark (9 days old)

I stayed up the other night to watch the UFC 103 Main Event between light-heavyweight kingpin Lyoto Machida and his challenger, Muay Thai specialist Mauricio Shogun Rua. I was buzzing with anticipa… more

The Mer-Man. From Mr-Malark in Mr Malark (11 days old)

I've just signed up to David Lloyd, the uber-swish health club, and, you know, it feels like I belong... sniff... But the deciding factor was the plush swimming pool. It's curious how that came … more

Sometimes Men Are From Venus Too. From Mr-Malark in Mr Malark (12 days old)

I had a catch-up this morning with a candid, young gay colleague about our respective weekends and let's just say there was a marked difference between the two... For instance, I couldn't be bother… more

Allegoric Algebra. From Mr-Malark in Mr Malark (14 days old)

It's funny how people equate shoe size with genital size. Because, actually, one of the two is always padded out with socks... You wouldn't accept that with the Other.… more

For The Record. From Mr-Malark in Mr Malark (14 days old)

Westlife have now apparently tied with the Beatles for the most consecutive Numbers 1s. They actually surpass the Fab Four by having the most entries at Number 1. Good for them! Really... Y… more

Alternative Film Reviews - State Of Play (2009) From Mr-Malark in Mr Malark (15 days old)

State Of Play is a complex political thriller about murder and high corruption in the American corridors of power. Directed by Kevin Macdonald, he of Last King Of Scotland fame (fame's probably ov… more

Alternative Film Reviews - Drag Me To Hell (2009) From Mr-Malark in Mr Malark (15 days old)

Drag Me To Hell is a vibrant Sam Raimi horror that bears all the hallmarks of the auteur behind the Evil Dead, Darkman and Spider-man films. With a contemporary setting, it's a film that follows C… more

Alternative Film Reviews - Vanishing Point (1971) From Mr-Malark in Mr Malark (15 days old)

It's curious, in the past fortnight I've watched District 9, Drag Me To Hell, Michael Clayton, State Of Play and the superlative In The Loop, yet here I am, writing a review for an obscure car chase m… more

Sometimes You Need To Take A Little Back. From Mr-Malark in Mr Malark (15 days old)

I sponsored a child in the Third World at the weekend but, well, I'm still waiting for him to run a half-marathon in a chicken suit, so... I'm not giving him anything.… more

Alternative Film Reviews - Awake (2007) From Mr-Malark in Mr Malark (29 days old)

Awake is one of those films that comes and goes without anyone noticing. Released to no fanfare and then left to wither and die, before being quietly buried in the backyard. A mutant kitten. No one re… more

Hello Everyone From runninggoose ^Pro in FATHER OF CHILD WITH AUTISM (30 days old)

Well the time really flies when your having Fun.Well i wouldn't call it all fun but you cant have a good day everyday.As today i turned 40 although i dont feel like it so i decided  to  look in on my … more

The Nobble Peace Prize. From Mr-Malark in Mr Malark (31 days old)

It has been announced that President Obama has just won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize, less than a year into office. How utterly ridiculous. When are we going to stop treating this guy like the Fonz… more

Tall Tale. From Mr-Malark in Mr Malark (31 days old)

I'm not sure whether this is an urban myth but did you know that it's apparently impossible for a son to be shorter than his mother? Apart from when he's, like, six... that's acceptable. But you'd … more

Thrill Rides. From Mr-Malark in Mr Malark (31 days old)

Does anyone else get an inexplicable buzz from ignoring Limos?… more

The Tooth, The Whole Tooth, And Nothing But The Tooth. From Mr-Malark in Mr Malark (33 days old)

I booked my first dental appointment in five years earlier after waking up with not one but two toothaches. Five years, man. I hope she can find the teeth under the dust. But I think the length … more

Check The Terms: For Richer Or Poorer. Or Poorer. From Mr-Malark in Mr Malark (36 days old)

Did anyone see that photo during the week of the estranged wife of a tycoon as she seeks to contest his claim that he is now actually £27m in debt? Trying to turn on the puppy eyes in the newspapers? … more

Gumshields And Tiaras. From Mr-Malark in Mr Malark (36 days old)

I went to the Prizefighter boxing event at the Excel Centre last night and watched eight fighters battle it out to win the knock-out tournament. However, the more interesting players were outside … more

Just Because Beyonce Beyond Says. From Mr-Malark in Mr Malark (40 days old)

'Oh no he didn't!' That expression is fine if you've got a thick Brooklyn accent but could it even sound any more stupid when conveyed in a British tone? It sounds so absurdly incongruous. 'Poor… more

Tactually Actually. From Mr-Malark in Mr Malark (46 days old)

I was going to do a bit of Blogging while I was down here in the Cornish hinterland but I've only got my touchscreen iPhone and it's not easy trying to type something on a pane of glass. Because it la… more

The Place Where Every Broken Down Car Has A Dwarf With An Axe On The Roof. From Mr-Malark in Mr Malark (49 days old)

I'm currently on a week's holiday in a remote cottage down in Cornwall and this is about the first time a telecommunications satellite has even passed overhead. It's a Murderer's Paradise. You wouldn'… more

Sometimes You Just Have The Wrong Soil. From Mr-Malark in Mr Malark (53 days old)

I was having a chat with a colleague earlier about the Belbin Team Inventory. This is a theoretical assessment that seeks to characterise members of a team by any one of nine roles, and, although … more

The Gift That Just Keeps On Taking... From Mr-Malark in Mr Malark (54 days old)

My dad has a lot of vinyl tucked away in the attic so I recently decided to buy him a USB turntable that'd allow him to convert all his favourites to digital before they degrade away to nothing. B… more

The Day I Discovered What My 'Heroes' Ability Would Be. From Mr-Malark in Mr Malark (56 days old)

I haven't been to the gym in about six weeks because I can't much be bothered. At least that's what my conscious mind tells me. My subconscious probably has a slightly different take on it... My subco… more

Guitar Hero. From Mr-Malark in Mr Malark (58 days old)

If you play an instrument and you spot one at a party, it's funny how irrisistable it is to have a go. But the problem is, you're then forced to play the best thing you know, in an effort to look far … more

The Lemon Head. From Mr-Malark in Mr Malark (58 days old)

It's funny, I went out for a drink tonight after work and got chatting to a new guy who's about ten years younger than me. And it's odd because he reminded me of my best friend about a decade ago. A b… more